Monday 20 August 2012


Can I be truly happy again ever? i wonder. There I s always something intrigued and recalled my deepest sorrow.

Thursday 16 August 2012

Wake up, Lean

After a tired working day, I was in gloomy mood. I feel lost in future path. What kinds of job I want to do? What industry to work with? I was confusing. Sometimes I wished I am not that busy. I like to live in relax and cozy. But sometimes, the ambition me suddenly pop out. I wish I know what I want. I know myself. Deep down inside me, there are more to discover. This is just not where I want to be yet. Sooner after work, I met with a friend which we have been closed in college. We talked for hours. I felt relaxed after catch up with him. I told him I am afraid I might lost the original me in this routine daily life and working society. I told him I am still that ambitious as last time I was in the college. It just a temporary low time. I want to explore the world. I want to enjoy the feeling of backpacking again. When I was driving home, I think a lots. Suddenly, I feel like my big brother was talking with me. He told me: " Lean, go ahead, think positive and always have faith,  I know you can do it. I know you are strong. You got nothing to lose. Just take good care of mom and yourself." I love you and I miss you. It have been 8 months since we lose you. I always see you in my dreams and miss you so much until my heart is pain, until I don't have any faith towards the world and life. I feel I am getting better. Today when I drive home from work, I feel like I know how to find the positive and strong lean back. I know I have to. I believe so. Our hearts divide into parts. Deep down inside, there is a place always for you, a place always feel regret we dint growing old together, always thinking and missing you, always pain for you, always love you, you will always be there. Another part of is the faith, motivation, determination and willpower to continue my journeys, to live, to do what you always to do, support and provide better lives for our love ones, love them and protect them. Everyone in the world got their own bother, concern, trouble and worry. Even those who born in affluent family, also got their own things to bother. They are not like what we think. I have to stop sympathize myself and hate the world. I have to start living again! My big brother's spirit will always with me. I CAN DO IT! I can be the one my love ones proud of. Cheer, Lean!